Dear Hick,

   Where do you get off?  Seriously, you only have like, two more years of executive leadership (we don’t count managing a city and putting up with hundreds of vocal hotheads–because when you deal with congress you won’t have to do that) than Obama.  Seriously, that makes you like the least experienced Vice Presidential candidate since Al Gore.  Just because you have more experience than Obama doesn’t mean anything–my god, we’re talking about making you the Vice President.  Do you have any experience going to funerals and innaugurations for third world leaders?  Can you really be sent to do the stupid little stuff that the President doesn’t want to bother with (like speaking to women’s groups, third world countries, and giving out medals to war vets?).  Just because Obama is our choice for president and your record, character, and experience are superior to his doesn’t mean we trust making you the number two person in our government that has little to do with everyday American’s lives anyway.

Signed,

Obama 08, uhm… I mean, the national media.

Obama Speechifyng

   Senator Barrack (don’t mention the middle name) Obama today announced that he would like to see John McCain go fix the economy, leaving himself to prep for Friday night’s debate.  Obama added that it woud be racist not to debate on Friday night.  As he left the podium he was heard to say “Besides, I know the media will spin any of McCain’s actions so as to blame him for everything anyway.”

Lucky Raffle Winner

   Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has won the Republican party raffle for the Vice Presidency.  The raffle was built as the first time a political party was willing to give everyone a shot at a spot on the ticket.  Every person in America had their name in the massive pot, and a thrilled John McCain reached in and pulled out the ticket with her name on it.

Scene at Invesco

DNC Poster Advertises Big Party

  The Democrats have united in Denver under a banner that reflects their shared values.

Hottest New Toy for Christmas Hits Shelves

     Hasbro has introduced a new Barack Obama inaction figure for Christmas.  The figure comes at a cheap price of $7 (with a special 50% tax increase if you make over $32,000 a year).  Amongst it’s many features include: 

A speach plagerized from the Mass. Governor Patrick’s action figure.

A “Yes We Can” button that can be reversed to say “NBA-it’s Fan-Tastic!”

A cd single from Ludicris called “Women are bitches, let’s do drugs!”

A daily planner for a 242 day year (one day for every day Obama spent in the Senate before he decided he was ready to run for president).

A copy of The Communist Manifesto.

A special mail-in offer to buy an Opera doll with butt-kissing action to accompany Lil’ Obama.

Former unfunny Sportscaster turned unfunny newsman Dan Olberman in his natural atire.

  At the national meeting of Mainstream Media Bigwigs today, the MSM decided that the war in Georgia was John McCain’s fault.  This came as quite a suprise to even Russia.  But after carefully deciding the best way this story could be reported to help Barack Obama, there was only once choice… Blame McCain.  The media points to the fact that John McCain has actually been to South Ossentia and Georgia as proof that it was his fault.  Meanwhile, the Media also announced that Brett Farve’s m

DNC Head Howard Dean Demonstrates a Partial Birth Abortion Procedure on a Cat

  Howard Dean, Comrad in charge of the Democratic National Party, has denounced 527 “Swiftboat” groups.  More specifically, he denounced Conservative 527 groups whose spending does not fall under Election Commission spending limits (of which his Party’s Nominee refuses to obey this fall anyway.  An enranged (re: normal) Dean proclaimed…

  “We must pass laws… this can not stand.  A group of pro-lifers put together $40,000 to make an Ad against Obama’s love for partial-birth Abortion to be shown twice on local cable in Gainesville, Florida.  This is a complete outrage.  They are trying to swift-boat the annointed one, Barack (don’t mention the middle name) Obama.  What a dirty, Republican trick.”

  Mr. Dean then closed by muttering… “Oh yeah, and the latest multi-million dollar check from MoveOn.org was cashed today by the Democratic party and we’re working with our operatives on how to best smear John McCain with this money.  Oh, and once again, thanks to the Mainstream Media for ignoring the progress in Iraq… but could you guys please try to figure out a way to blame the Georgia-Russia war on Bush and Mccain?”

“The people of San Francisco have been badly treated by their county.  Most San Franciscans are dedicated neo-Commies and they are sick of all this freedom and capitalism.  As leaders of the neo-Communists throughout the world, it is Russia’s job to invade independent countries to liberate those malcontents who like to cause problems in their own soverign nation.  Therefore, we will start with San Francisco, then move on to Vermont.  We’re keeping out eyes on the entire NorthEast and West Coast of the US for possible future liberations.”

  “Well honestly, I really want to impress my snob techno-geek friends,” Said Obama, “And not enough Americans know Binary Code so I’m constantly embarrassed by this fact when I meet with my Eurosnob Techno-geeks.”

  Obama went on to say that High Schools will now teach Binary Code instead of health and P.E.